New Hope

Life is real. We all experience some challenges or ongoing problems. Some struggle with ongoing mental health issues, relationship problems, inner struggles, lack of confidence, trauma and so on. When we are mentally stressed out our body reacts, causing effects such as loss of stamina or energy, poor sleep, fatigue, pain, butterflies in the stomach, palpitations, chest pain, difficulty breathing, sweating, dizziness, wobbly legs, flushed face, and so on.

When we are in unbearable stressful situations, some try to bury and suppress it through self destructive behaviours, some try to work harder and longer hours, and others try to cope with the problems in many different ways, whether positive or negative.

While they are in the midst of these problems, the idea of getting counselling is absolutely foreign for some people; they never thought about it, while for others getting counselling is nerve-racking as they have to be vulnerable in front of a stranger.

When I was in graduate school, getting counselling for at least 6 sessions was one of the requirements for the program. Even though I was studying to be a counsellor I didn't like the idea of receiving counselling for myself. Without enough resources, being a student was very stressful for me, and for this reason I was easily irritated with people around me, no matter how much I didn't want to be irritable. I decided to talk about this irritability for the counselling. When I went to the counsellor, he asked me about my past life. I was irritated, thinking what does any of that have to do with my current irritability and psychoanalysis, and why should I talk about my past. But for the whole six sessions I talked about my stressful and difficult past and my current life. I do not remember if I was even provided with any solutions for my counselling goals during the sessions.

After the sessions were completed I totally forgot about the counselling and my irritability. One day I suddenly noticed that I was not as easily irritable anymore. Looking back, I believe that simply sharing my frustrations helped me to release my stress and it helped me to change. I would say that this is a basic, but not main, benefit of counselling.

According to my counselling experience, in general, men do not like getting counselling. Some of they say that “talking is not going to solve any problems”, or some of my male friends make fun of me saying, “Jin, what's that like for you?” being sarcastic about counsellors talking only about feelings. To be heard by a counsellor is a basic benefit of counselling. “Feeling good” is not a main reason why people should get counselling because it is only a temporary solution. I believe that benefits of counselling have to be more than just feeling good. The following seven counselling benefits are my main focus for any kind of counselling topics:

1. 1. To be heard.
2. 2. Helping solving problems.
3. 3. Developing problem solving skills.
4. 4. Helping to become self-empowered.
5. 5. Developing resiliency.
6. 6. Developing new hope.
7. 7. Developing new meaning/purpose through the pain or major losses.

One day I received a call from a college student. He said, “I feel very depressed, I haven't been sleeping, I am always feeling tired, I don't have any motivation to do anything, I have poor concentration so I can't perform at school like I used to, I get easily irritable, and I can't find pleasure in anything anymore”. I asked him how long he has been having these symptoms, to which he replied, “It's been about two years”. Then I asked him, “What happened two years ago?” He said, “I had a car accident”.

He developed depression after being involved in a MVA (Motor Vehicle Accident). In fact, it is very common that many people develop not only PTSD but also other mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks and so on, following a MVA. These kinds of hidden mental health problems can be spotted in couple's relationships, for example. Likewise, hidden mental health issues can affect many different areas of life, such as any kind of relationship issue, poor performance, loss of pleasure, or even daily dysfunction.

It is widely known that individuals with psychological trauma could develop mental health issues and a lot of mental health symptoms exhibit physical symptoms. At the same time, when we have physical trauma it could lead us to develop mental health problems. That is, our mind/emotions affect the body and the body affects our mind/emotions.

After MVA, individuals often try to ignore or suppress their emotional status even though they no longer have emotional well-being. This is probably from being unable to make the connection between physical trauma and mental health issues, or not wanting to be vulnerable in front of others because it is “only a car accident and I look fine”.

Some people report to me that “I feel like I'm suffocating in dark places such as underground parking lots, tunnels, small office, or bedroom ever since I had the MVA”. These individuals are experiencing early symptoms of panic attacks. The main symptoms of panic attacks are chest pain, shortness of breath, pounding heart, rapid breathing, tightness in throat, shakiness, hot flashes, chills, numbness, fear of losing control, and fear of death. Some develop an anger issue after the MVA and it is often related to anxiety/panic attacks.

If you have symptoms of depression, anxiety/panic attacks, PTSD, or anger problems after your MVA, and it has been affecting your relationship, performance, pleasure, or you are not functional cognitively, emotionally, or physically as you were before, it is high time to get professional help.

If you experience some of the depression and anxiety symptoms you are not alone; it is very common to develop those symptoms after a MVA and you would significantly benefit from getting counselling treatments. In addition, these treatments are paid for by ICBC.

Depression Symptoms

Feeling depressed, insomnia, fatigue, poor motivation, poor concentration, irritability, lack of pleasure, nightmares, vivid dreams, frequently waking up, emotional numbness, feeling hopelessness, difficulty in making decisions, mood swings, and loss of interest in sex.

Symptoms of Anxiety/Panic Attacks

Chest pain, shortness of breath, pounding heart, rapid breathing, tightness in throat, shakiness, hot flashes, chills, numbness, loss of confidence in driving or in general, fear of losing control, and fear of death.

J reported that he has been being harassed by his co-worker for the last two years as retaliation after a prior minor conflict. The patterns of harassment involve humiliation, intimidation, offensive behaviors and statements, spreading of groundless rumors, and so on. The bully tries to intimidate J by constantly giving J nasty looks and gestures as if he is going to hurt him, or waiting for J to fail at something so he can report it to the manager. J does not feel safe in front of the bully, as he is targeted. The bully would brag about his power, that he could harm J in different ways or get him fired. At the same time, the bully ostracizes J when they are out in public. The bully makes sarcastic comments about J in front of others for whatever J says or does. The bully would also show aggression and rude behavior to J by constantly staring him down or interrupting his conversations with others, and he would yell at J and dump J’s belongings into the garbage can. While the bully is spreading false rumors he is extremely articulate, knowing how to talk right to ensure that he is plausible and likable.

Lately, J finds himself being more emotional and tearful, and when talking or thinking about his work he gets shaky, feels waves of anger on his body, and has developed poor motivation and isolation. He also noticed that he has been feeling nervous, anxious, difficult to relax, and is easily irritated. He feels extreme frustration when he does not feel powerless instead of safe at work. He tried everything he could to stop the harassment but in the end, he developed learned hopelessness. His main physical symptoms are tensed muscles, numbness, and tingling, feeling hot and chilled, physical weakness, lightheadedness, sweating, heart pounding, insomnia, nausea, diarrhea, shortness of breath, chest pain, and so on. He is completely withdrawn even from his wife, children, and friends. Soon after he was diagnosed with panic attacks and depression, and he is now on sick leave.

Many scholarly research studies claim that often individuals who had experienced workplace harassment also experience trauma, and often these individuals develop mental health issues such as PTSD, anxiety/panic attacks, depression, and so on. Yet not many people are aware of the trauma of bullying and harassment even while they are right in the middle of the abuse and trauma. Thus, it is crucial to know the criteria of bullying and harassment.

The Government of Canada website suggests asking yourself the following questions to determine whether it is harassment or not: What was the context of the incident? Was the behaviour improper? Were you offended by the behaviour? Did the incident occur within the scope of company policy? Did the incident occur repeatedly? What is the intention of the individual for engaging in such kind of behaviour? Is the behaviour reasonable and acceptable by any others? Are you were being singled out and treated differently than your colleagues? Is the incident related to your work performance? Are you being criticized regularly even though your work performance is the same as before? In addition, it is important to differentiate whether the incidents are part of normal exercise of management’s right to manage the company, a workplace conflict, or a single or isolated incident of inappropriate remarks.

Here are some examples of harassment:

• Being intimidating
• Criticizing, insulting, blaming, or personal humiliation
• Excluding or ostracizing an individual
• Spreading rumours
• Offensive jokes
• Physical attacks, yelling, screaming
• Removing areas of responsibility for no real reason
• Giving excessive workloads, setting the person to fail to meet the demands
• Giving too little work or giving jobs far below the person’s capability
• Intimidating by monitoring one’s jobs
• Showing threatening behaviours
• Destroying personal belongings in order to intimidate
• Sexual harassment, especially abusing power as an employer
• Making sexually suggestive remarks

Are you struggling with the trauma of bullying and harassment? Do you want to be healed, re-empowered, and develop resilience? I am here to help you. Please contact me.

Resources

Government of Canada (Harassment and violence)

Cromie, W. J. (2007). Verbal beatings hurt as much as sexual abuse: Can lead to depression, anxiety, and worse.

Adams, A., & Bray, F. (1992). Holding out against workplace harassment and bullying. Personnel Management.

Djurkovic, N., McCormack, D., & Casimir, G. (2004). The physical and psychological effects of workplace bullying and their relationship to intention to leave: A test of the psychosomatic and disability hypotheses. International Journal of Organization Theory and Behaviour